Dipped in Honey…

I miss my pen.

I miss writing and creating and imagining.

Too long have I immersed myself in this world of logic and order. And while it is a world that excites me, it is still a world that is so invariably dull when compared to the magical world of words.

I can’t remember the last poem i wrote. I have had lines, but i can no longer put them together. These days, I just draw lines.

I miss my pen. I miss writing on clean sheets of paper, instead of just filling it with figures and calculations. I have forgotten how to make music out of sunsets and traffic. I still stop to touch flowers, or chase butterflies, or listen to the wind and feel it in my face. But the words that used to be in my pen have gone. And clean sheets remain empty.

i need to write.

i need words… and for those words to become lines…

and for those lines to come together and become poems..

else i might finally truly become a dead poet…

Today’s UP Manila relief efforts in Cainta, Rizal were successful on the whole…

But it was heartbreaking in several instances..

According to the rules we had to follow, we couldn’t give relief goods to just anyone.. only those approved off by the local health workers as those in need. I personally had to turn away people, and young children, and this was heartbreaking for me.

Indeed, I was aware too, that even if I made an exception for one, surely the others would complain and want some too. Only chaos could ensue, so I stuck to the rules, difficult as they were to swallow.

It was tough. Because we were all aware we couldn’t help everyone. And to be honest, the goods weren’t fairly distributed either since some of the bags contained more goods than others. This was the inevitable result of a rushed and unsponsored effort. But the people were thankful just the same.

The one thing I did not get from this endeavour was that “sense of fulfillment” people usually brag about after these activities. I did not feel it, in the light of the knowledge that we did so little and helped so few in comparison to all that still needs to be done and the many who still need help.

It was nice to see some former students there. If there ever is another activity like this, count me in. And hopefully next time, I’ll see more of you there too.

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat dito..

Sa totoo lang, marami nang pwedeng sabihin at ikwento.. pero saka na un..

More important urgent matters take centerstage..

I’m joining the call for volunteers and relief work on behalf of those of our fellow countrymen who were severly affected by TS Ondoy..

Let’s do what we can to help.. ALL that we can..

To my students, there are plenty of relief work being done in UP Manila.. But we can never have too many donations or too many volunteers..

Time to get up..

YOU are needed.

Maswerte kami, hindi kami maxadong naapektuhan ng bagyo… Siguro ang ilan din sa inyo..

Pero paano naman ung ibang hindi kasing palad natin?

Wag tayong makuntentong nakaupo lang at ineenjoy ang isang linggong walang pasok.. Ibigay natin ang anuman panahon na maibibigay para sa ating bayan..

“I am only one, but STILL I am one.

I cannot do everything, BUT I can do SOMETHING.

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do something I can do…” ~Helen Keller
Remember, Touch one life at a time, Move one life at a time..

We can make a difference..

Pay It Forward… Change the world.

It happened again!… and on a grander scale this time too!

In what can only be described as a monumental upset, Kris Allen achieved the impossible in pulling off the victory over Adam Lambert in yesterday’s American Idol finale. Unlike last year’s surprising victory by David Cook, this was a result almost nobody believed could happen, Kris Allen fans included.

Adam Lambert took the competition by storm from the Hollywood rounds into the top 12. He was the clear favorite from day one and he only solidified his hold of the lead with each spectacular performance.

Kris on the other hand flew well under the radar in the beginning of the competition, only to slowly pick up steam toward the later stages of the competition.

I remember his performance of Man in the Mirror in the qualifying stages. I thought he was good, but I didn’t think too much of it. I was surprised he made it into the top 12. (At the time, I was rooting for Danny Gokey and Matt Giraud to face off in the finale.)

Then Kris sang To Make You Feel My Love (one of my all-time favorite songs) on Country Week, and I became a fan. Still, I didn’t believe he’d make it past the top 8. But with Matt Giraud gone, I rooted for him hard, but didn’t expect he’d win. I honestly had to shout when they announced his victory. Imagine how you’d react after seeing someone hit a game-winning buzzer beater from the halfcourt in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, that’s how I screamed.

So, how exactly did Kris do it? Well, I’m no expert, but in the tradition I started last year here are a few of my thoughts on why Kris deserved to win American Idol.

1. Emotional Connection
As judge Kara DioGuardi put it, “If you don’t feel a thing after a Kris Allen performance, there is something wrong with you.”

If Kris had any strength, it was his ability to connect with the audience with his songs. While people watched in awe and amazement with every Adam Lambert performance, each Kris Allen performance left them relaxed and emotional. While Adam belted out his songs (and sang the lights out off each one), Kris seemed perfectly content with just sitting back and simply singing, caressing each note, letting the stories and messages of his songs resonate in the hearts of his audience. (See, To Make You Feel My Love, Falling Slowly, Ain’t No Sunshine) Adam, in contrast, seemed a little detached from his songs, despite the performances. Too theatrical, as the judges would put it, which is to say, it’s great to watch and listen to, but almost robotic and disconnected from the emotions of the songs. (common in musicals where actors do the same songs over and over. see, Lea Salonga)

Both Adam and Kris were terrific in creating song arrangements that suit them perfectly. (See Kris’ Heartless and Adam’s If I Can’t Have You) But while Adam’s performances left you with flashbacks of his performance, Kris’s singing almost always left you with a song you couldn’t get out of your head. His singing is the performance: no theatrics, no high notes, no bright lights necessary. Just Kris and the song. And it was always beautiful.

2. The Radio Factor
Connected to the reason I stated above, while Adam’s performances were always great to watch, Kris Allen’s singing was more moving to listen to. In the long run, people may have put more importance on that. After all, we’re going to listen to them on the radio or on ipods, mp3’s or CD’s more often than we will get to see them perform live or on television.

Try listening with your eyes closed, you’ll find Kris Allen is better hands down.

3. Momentum
Adam Lambert was the consensus favorite from day one, with perhaps a Danny Gokey vote every now and then. But through those unbelievable performances (im running out of adjectives already), Adam simply took the competition by storm and made all those who performed before him look like opening acts, while reducing those who came after him to mere afterthoughts. He peaked early, but the problem was he pretty much flat-lined from there. You saw one Lambert performance, you saw them all. It just so happened, they were all amazing.

Kris on the other hand started slow, then slowly picked up steam. He got better and better from week to week. You need only compare his performances of Man in the Mirror and Heartless to see what I’m talking about.

It’s not inconceivable that people simply began to grow tired of Adam (ditto, Danny), while taking notice of this other guy who was suddenly turning up his performances and making them pay attention.

4. Danny Gokey
Many people, myself included, thought American Idol was destined for a Gokey-Lambert face-off in the final. Few dared to disagree. Other than Adam, it was Danny who consistently excelled week after week. With one emotional power ballad after another. But with Kris Allen gaining momentum (see previous), Danny fell victim to his rise since having them both in the final would have been almost redundant.

And with Danny gone, it isn’t hard to imagine that many of the Gokey fans shifted their allegiance to Kris. Only 100,000 votes separated Kris and Adam in the top 3, and the additional support from Danny’s ouster may have been enough to carry Kris past Adam in the final count.

5. Conspiracy Theory?
Conspiracy theorists will love this one. But you could easily make a case for both contenders. Adam Lambert fans will point to certain pictures and videos that surfaced on the internet as the ones that ruined his chances. Kris Allen supporters on the other hand will point to the [VERY] bad producer’s song choice for Kris in the finale, coupled with the key that was one or two notches too high for him on the winner’s song as evidence that the show’s producers were trying to sabotage Kris’ chances.

I don’t believe in these conspiracy theories, but they’re fun to consider.

6. The Underdog Factor

And finally, the factor I think was the biggest key to Kris Allen’s upset victory. Whether or not he did it on purpose, Kris played the underdog card to perfection in the finale. Kris looked like he had resigned himself to inevitable defeat and was just giving it his all on his final performances, which were sidebars to Adam’s excellence. Beginning with that heart-rending, haunting encore performance of To Make You Feel My Love (See, number one), followed by him making the most of the producer’s [SERIOUSLY BAD] song choice. (How could they possibly screw that up any worse? I could put my ipod on shuffle and I bet the first ten songs to play would still be a better fit for Kris to sing. What’s Going On simply didn’t allow him to do anything with it. As opposed to the terrific choice for Adam Change is Gonna Come.)

Then to top it all off, Kris poured out his heart and soul on that final performance of the winner’s single, on an arrangement that seemed to be made for Adam Lambert. He just let it all hang out, and he was inspiring to watch.
(As opposed to Adam’s completely detached and uninspiring rendition of the same song. He performed it brilliantly, but still, it felt empty to me. And I’m beig copmpletely objective here. Adam did better on Tracks of my Tears and If I Can’t Have You.)

This battle royale turned into the classic big city favorite going up against the small town dreamer. People can always relate with the dreamer, and they were no different with Kris Allen. Admit it, you LOVE underdog success stories.

In the end, Kris Allen’s victory only cemented what we all already know. That anything’s possible. And that we should never give up on our dreams.

GO KRIS! Can’t wait for your album..
Ditto Matt and Danny.. ’til next year!

The slope of a line is defined as the steepness of the line. Mathematically, it is the ratio of the vertical change to the horizontal change. Rise over run. Simple words, and yet, when one reflects deeper, it could stand as the creed by which we live our life.

Rise over run. In the pursuit of our dreams, we all discover that the road to success is paved with hundreds of challenges that may be daunting in varying degrees. In the end, it is how we respond to those challenges that will define us. But the choice amidst all these should not be difficult. Rise over run. Rise to the occassion, never run from the challenge.

Such is the climb. It will be steep, and by no means easy. But it still beats running away from difficulty– having it easy but staying in one place, or hardly climbing at all.

Rise over run. It’s the path to the stars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the semester draws to a close. Some of you students may be facing failure in some subjects, or perhaps just a performance that was less than what you expected at the start. Do not give up. If you can look back on the semester and know full well in your heart that you gave your all, then you can walk with your head held high. If you think you could have still done more, then try harder next time. Remember, a person can do nothing, but he has never done everything he can possibly do. You can always do more, push harder. History belongs to the fighters. Those who never quit.

Never let anyone judge you by the grades they see on a piece of paper. You are not a number, and those grades will never define who you are.

And i hope you never feel like you don’t belong in UP. Yes, i know it’s difficult. But in a way, it’s meant to be. Just as a chick must fight its way out of its shell or a butterfly out of its cocoon, so must you fight through all the challenges. In the end, both success and failure make you stronger. Remember, there are thousands of people out there who would give anything to stand in your shoes right now and say, “I’m having a hard time in UP.”

Stand proud. Stay strong.

I’ve been working in the background way too long, and it’s time to return to the frontline… time to dive head first into the trenches. I can no longer remain silent.

This is an open letter to Dr. Zenaida Sadsad and to all Xientians:

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/144881/Militant-students-protest-in-front-of-QC-Science-High-School

http://www.gmanews.tv/video/34995

Enough is enough.

On Monday [yesterday], January 19, 2008, several alumni were joined by student activist groups in staging a small rally outside the Quezon City Science High School gates. I was there, though regrettably, i arrived late.

It’s unfortunate that the whole thing had to come to this. I really wish it didn’t. I wish the issue never got out, and had, instead, been peacefully resolved inhouse. In fact, I wish that we never had to blog about anything in the first place. I wish the principal had just listened when people clamoured for the return of Mr. San Diego to his post as adviser of the school papers.

But that didn’t happen. And now the media knows about our plight. Several people have spoken up, including Dep Ed Usec. Franklin Sunga, the Comission on Human Rights and The College Editors Guild of the Philippines. (refer to the links below)

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/144361/College-editors-may-file-complaint-vs-QCSHS-for-suspending-pupils-over-blog

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/144789/CHR-Suspending-QCSHS-pupils-over-blog-may-violate-rights

I have already been referred to as some instigator of violence and disarray in Quesci. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I am prepared to claim that I love Quesci just as much as anyone can claim. Noone can say they love it more.

Since my graduation, I have continued helping train Quesci’s Math contestants. This, despite some efforts of the administration to “ban” me from the school due to prior issues with a certain 3rd year Math teacher, but, i digress. I meet the contestants outside of campus grounds to continue our training. Not once have I asked for any form of recognition or compensation. Yet, not once has the faculty, particularly, the administration shown any form of appreciation. I will not claim that the huge success of the Math Department in inter-school competitions these past few years is because of me. But certainly, I didn’t damage their chances.

Dr. Sadsad, you claim that we bloggers are destroying the reputation of our beloved school. You’re wrong. You are the one destroying it with your malicious and continuous abuse of power. For continuously ignoring the grievances of the students. Yes, you have held conferences with the 3rd and 4th years. But all you did was hear their complaints, you never seriously took them into consideration. You heard the entire xientian community voice as one their support for Mr. San Diego, but you stood by your inexplicably ridiculous reason that “He’s already a Hall of Famer… [we should] give chance to others to excel..” If you really wanted others to excel, you would have kept Mr. San Diego and given him an apprentice to teach. Who better to learn from than a Hall of Famer? Experience is a good teacher, better yet is a teacher with experience.

On Monday, in a heated argument with one of the leaders of the rally outside our gates, you claimed we had no business getting involved because “this is MY school!”. Just as you said during foundation “I’m not asking for your opinions… That’s my prerogative.” That’s where you’re wrong. This is a public school. Or as you say, “public school LANG”. But that makes it OUR SCHOOL. Your power lies in the hands of the students and the alumni. And clearly both parties have lost respect for you. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that is not without the support of competent members of the faculty.

It’s time to resolve this quietly. Even I don’t want the issue to escalate any further that it already has. But I can assure you that should it become necessary, we will not stop until justice is finally and rightfully served. Respectfully, Dr. Sadsad, I think it’s time for you to just step down from your post. Even if you somehow survive this onslaught, clearly, you have lost the respect of the people you lead. If you really love Quesci as you claim you do, then you will finally do what is best for it.

No, we are not destroying Quesci. We are defending it. From you. Xientians deserve to be heard, not have their voices silenced. As one blogger put it, Xientians deserve to fly, not have their wings clipped.

I call on my fellow alumni and xientians to continue the fight and show support for our fellow Xientians in Quesci. I call also on the undergraduates in Quesci to not be afraid to speak up about the truth.

I understand that many of you fear for your futures in Quesci. I am, honestly, scared as well. I’m afraid of what the administration may do in retalliation. But I am confident that I stand on the side of what is right. My father taught me long ago how to make a stand and fight for it. That’s what I’m doing now. I am more scared of what might happen in Quesci if we stay silent than what may happen if we don’t.

We will defend you. We will help you. But no matter what we do outside, it is what you say from inside that matters most. You must continue to speak up and not allow the fires of these issues be extinguished again. But remember to stay within your boundaries. Don’t resort to insults and low blows. Stick to the facts. Show class. Show the world that you are indeed the “better man”. The entire nation is listening now.

Speak up Xientians!
Bangon Quesci!

Don’t let the sacrifice of all the suspended students and Mr. San Diego be in vain.

The numbers:

1st semester, AY 08-09;
3 subjects;
4 classes..

Nobody gets left behind.

111 students in all;
8 received 1.0;
13 with 4.0;
6 with 5.0;

Nobody gets left behind.

The new semester officially begins tomorrow.
As I take one last look back on my first official semester teaching, those last two numbers above strike me most.
My goal for next semester: reduce those numbers to zero.

Yeah, i know. You’re thinking that’s impossible.
I’ll take that as a challenge.

Watch me. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
I’m going to be better than ever.

Lately, I’ve been winning battles left and right

But even heroes can get wounded in the fight.

People say that I’m amazing, I’m strong beyond my years.

But they don’t see inside of me, I’m hiding all the tears…

They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down.

They don’t know, who picks me up when noone is around.

I drop my sword and cry for just a while.

‘Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.

Unafraid because his armor is the best.

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.

People say that I’m amazing, I never face retreat.

But they don’t see the enemy, that lays me at his feet.

They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down.

They don’t know who picks me up when Noone is around.

I drop my sword, and look up for His smile..

‘Cause deep inside this armor… The warrior is a child.

This is probably one of my worst days by far in UP Manila.. I’ve never felt more incompetent as a teacher than on this day..

First, I failed to deliver on a promise to help my students in Math101 in studying for their exam tomorrow.. I feel like I left them hanging.. It was such a heavy feeling looking at them all, and seeing the anticipation in their faces… and then feeling so helpless because I simply couldn’t give them what they needed. Those eyes, so full of hope and expectation, became knives to my heart. It’s never easy carrying the hopes of other people, but that’s what I signed up for when I chose this career. I should have been more ready. I couldn’t have been more disappointed with myself then.

Second, it turned out I overestimated on the exam that I made for Math100.. Not that it was too difficult, but there were too many problems for so little time.. Of course, it was my first time making an exam.. But still, I ought to have known better.. It was tough to see their tired and disappointed faces at the end of it all, especially knowing that it was my fault this time. I really believed that they could do it, but I guess that’s my inexperience showing.

Haaayy…

Although i know, it is easy to forget that teachers are human too in a world where excellence is considered the norm.. I stand in the belief that when it is other people’s futures at stake, we don’t really have any right to have off days or make big blunders like that..

I hope I can do better next time.

And I hope I didn’t disappoint my students too much.

“You’re gonna miss this; You’re gonna want it back.

You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast,

These are some good times, so Take a good look around.

You may not know it now… But you’re gonna miss this.”

~Trace Adkins, You’re Gonna Miss This

100.. 99.. 98.. 97..

If my memory serves me right, today is exactly 81 days since i started teaching in UP Manila. (Day 100 is an incredible coincidence; but i digress)

They say, “It’s a different view from behind the teacher’s desk.” Well, I can only add, the end of the semester looks a lot different as well.

I remember, as a student, I could never wait for the last day of classes. No sooner had classes begun than I was already counting down the days before the end. Breaks and vacations were always the first thing I checked on the academic calendar.

But now, it feels a lot different. Thinking about the end doesn’t bring the same anticipation and excitement that it used to.

Of course, from the student’s point of view, it’s probably all they can think about now. The last two weeks usually feel like the longest of the semester. I was the same way… back then. Now, time is just going way too fast. Slow down.

For a regular student, the end of the semester is just that, the end. It will start again in a month or two. But from this side of the classroom, the end of the semester feels like a mini graduation. You’re saying goodbye to people you’ve only just started getting to know. As a student of mine put it, “It’s like the story’s just begun, but the curtains are already falling.” The last day of the semester could be the last day you’re with these people who have suddenly become so special to you. You never knkow if you will ever look into those eyes, hear their laughter, their voices, and all the noise they make.

Of course, for most teachers, it’s no big deal. But, as I told you in a previous post, I get attached to my students and that’s probably my problem. They are to me, more like dear friends, or brothers and sisters. And this is about the time when all of that finally turns against me.

Yes, my greatest strength is my greatest weakness. And I know how the story ends.

Parents have what they call Empty Nest Syndrome; I wonder if teachers have Empty Classroom Syndrome…

I promised my students that whatever happens nobody gets left behind; so what happens when it’s all over, and the only one left behind is…